someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize