there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
