I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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