your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize