So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
