I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
