Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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