is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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