It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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