yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
