i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
