Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
