ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
