i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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