i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I will pee on everything he values.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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