Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
