I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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