Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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