the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
