yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
