I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
