grandma shit on top of the toilet
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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