I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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