In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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