Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just made my gag reflex go away.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
