i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
soo... how was my night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
