So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
