last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
