i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
