Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
