I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
