Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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