where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
