Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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