this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
