You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
