Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize