i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
