I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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