If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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