I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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