We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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