My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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