I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
