We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
