When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
