I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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