Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
