i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
