JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
