If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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