I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
