She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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