I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
