He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
