Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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