I'm eating all of the evidence.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
