Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
