It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
