Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize