I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
They have beer where we have blood.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
