when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
