just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize