i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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