Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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