It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
