Porn is love you can see.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
