She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
