I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
