Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
