Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
