I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize