The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
