grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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