well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
