dude i'm inner monologue high
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
