Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
